I started dissociating yesterday in T's office. I felt it coming on, and I kept fighting it. At one point, I even felt myself starting to switch and stopped it and tried some deep breathing that T taught me. Then he wanted to talk about it. WHAT!? Sure, let's talk about what's going on with me that makes me feel completely insane and sounds crazy (even though T says that's not the case).

T told me that I need to let my alters out more in session. Heh, not in this lifetime.....

It was strange though, because yesterday was the first time I was conscious of me dissociating. Usually, it happens so quickly, I know nothing until T calls me back or I naturally snap out of it. I didn't like the feeling that it was happening, the room getting all fuzzy, sounds getting distant, the couch feeling all wobbly, like I was on a waterbed or a float in a pool. T asked me what he wants me to do when I start dissociating. Heh, I told him "I dunno" because I really don't. I like the comfort it brings, but I also know it's counterproductive in sessions.