Last night we were lying in bed all cuddly and I showed him a meme that said "Where do astronauts hang out?" above the image of a keyboard that had a little astronaut sitting on the spacebar all drunk. Some commenters wrote "that took a while to get!" which was kind of dumb to me since it was so obvious. My boyfriend couldn't see it very well until I pointed it out. We started laughing and I said "that's alright, baby, there's nothing wrong with being a little slow" (as a joke, since he is one of the smartest people I know). That was enough to set him off on one of his angry fits in which he goes on and on insisting on making me feel bad (almost trying to make me cry) in order to "redeem" himself.

After 6 months of living together, this last non-sense made me seek info about verbal abuse. I found a Psych Central article titled "Signs that you are verbally abused: Part I" by Marie Hartwell-Walker, ED.D. and I've realized I am, in fact, in a verbally abusive relationship with a 50/50 loving/angry boyfriend. I read the Part II as well and, I've got to admit, we have almost every symptom of a verbally abusive relationship, even though I stand up to him every time he lashes out on me because I refuse to let him mistreat me without me doing something about it.

It is quite hard to figure this out because my boyfriend is very smart, manipulative and not physically aggresive. He never calls me names or insults me in a way that is evident. But he does tries to put me down to feel powerful and in control. If I end up crying, then accuses me of being too sensitive, too naive, or not getting his "black humor" (look at the dictionary, buddy!). He's also guilty of justifying his mistreatment for my own good and wellbeing, making me second guess myself, and of accusing me of provoking his anger fits, when I clearly understand that none of it is my fault. In spite of everything, he's always hugging me and giving me kisses and cuddling with me. There's no doubt in my mind he loves me and cares about me. That's why it has taken me a while to be able to point this out.

The author talks about the possibility of fixing things with a therapist/counselor, and I do think there's a chance of fixing this (like a typical victim who believes "things can be changed", perhaps? Who knows). My question is, how do I go about it? I have said a couple of times before "you bully me" to him, but never in a very serious context. I want to find a way to tell him like "Look, this is what's happening between us, and I want you to understand it so we can work this out if you really want to do it with me and for us", but I worry he's gonna lashout, blame me again and shut me down. I have to do something about it, though, because all this negativity will end up giving me a disease.

Oh, and that's another thing,... is there like public counseling services in NYC or somewhere where we can go without charging us half of our income?