The day I told her I was willing to do whatever it took to work things out was the day she said she wanted to stay separated indefinitely. We'd been apart for a month. Over the next two months, I lost nearly everything that was ever important to me and I finally figured out that I had been pushing her away due to my chronic depression that I was previously unable to figure out. I knew something was wrong with me but thought it was just the awful person I had turned into and had no idea how to get my old self back or how to save my marriage.

Now that I better understand what was happening to me and what I was doing because of it, the pain has been so intense and I can't seem to get past it. I can't let go of all the things I never meant to or never wanted to lose. Especially her and the precious time I had left with my 2 teens.

And there's no way to get her back. Two months after she told me she wanted to stay separated, she found someone else and it's been devastating to think about my one true love being with another. She says she's as shocked as anybody- that she never expected something like this to happen.

This past weekend they went away together. That first trip away with a new love is an unforgettable life event. It stays with you forever (I know...) And now she has that with another man. And I have nightmares about it even when I'm awake.

I have no way to recover what I've lost and I have no idea how to move forward.