I've been going back and forth on whether or not I think therapy is working for me at all, if I should find a new therapist, or if I should stop going completely. (Flip flopping... it's what I do!)

I just flat out don't like the guy I'm seeing. I mean he's nice and all, but I'm just all skeeved out that I'm supposed to spill my deepest darkest secrets to someone I A.) don't know very well and B.) is my dads age and feel like I'd just be judged as a "disappointment" (if that makes sense).

Also I really think sometimes... like... why? What if this is just how I'm supposed to be? I know how to live and take care of myself and (in general) I cope kind of sort of ok. I don't need someone to talk down to me like a child and I don't need someone to sit there and pretend like they care.

You know what, I KNOW I'm a manic shopper. I get it. Accept it. Embrace it even. I've come to terms. I don't know if any amount of therapy would ever get me to change my perspective in those moments. Those moments are real, justified, right... and they just don't feel "manic". I can't talk myself down from a ledge that I don't even know I'm on. That's how I see my bipolar. I'm constantly on a ledge... and you know who talks me down? My friends. My husband. Even my daughter even though she might not know it. Not a therapist. So what is the point?