So let me give you the setting. It's a Tuesday night and my buddy asks me if I want to meet up with him and a few friends. I figure, yea, it's good for me to continue going out and trying to be social like old times. So I arrive and I'm happy to see all of them, get warm welcomes and whatnot. My problem is, not being able to socialize. Like words and things just don't come to me like normal. I can talk in small statements or ask questions.... but I just can't socialize well.

Anyway, I'm standing in the circle and I'm quiet with nothing to say. Still I've hung out with a few of these friends since everything has happened.. So they know what to expect when around me. I continue on and the night goes on. I get a few beers in me and it doesn't do much these days.. just acts as a depressant mostly. As the time goes one I continue to be quiet and it bothers me, but I'm learning to deal. Then new people show up that I don't know. (I'm already feeling awkward with the people I haven't seen since my psychotic break) They show up and we all introduce. Fast forward towards the end of the night.

We're all at a table watching the rest of the Miami vs. San Antonio game. Then this dude turns to me while everyone is talking and asks me the ONE QUESTION YOU DON'T ASK ME! "Come on man, why aren't you being social?"

The I explode and tell him, "you don't know what I've gone through, you don't think that I wish I could be social, I use to be a different person you know, this haunts me every god damn day." Then of course everyone is apologetic and my friends get my back and say "he didn't know." I forgave him.

This is something that haunts me. I am starting to think that god did this to me on purpose. Giving me a difficult life because he wants me to notice the small things in life. I am starting to think about other things that I can do without being social... but there isn't much. There's books, games, TV, and playing sports.

Does anyone else have a social problem from a psychotic break? What should I try to to do since this doesn't seem to be getting much better? I see my doctor on Friday. I'm tired of feeling absent from social life. What is the answer? Thank you, good day, god bless your souls.