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Old Jun 19, 2013, 08:12 PM
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tinyrabbit tinyrabbit is offline
Grand Wise Rabbit
 
Member Since: Feb 2013
Location: England
Posts: 4,084
Quote:
Originally Posted by critterlady View Post
Wait, are you saying that Ts exist outside of their offices?
I know, right?

The other day I arrived five minutes before my T session and my T came out of the room and said he was just going to the bathroom. And I jokingly told him he was meant to just exist in the therapy room, like teachers just exist in school classrooms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by almostthere View Post
I never think about my T, he/she, would look like as they live their personal lives. Remember, that the core reason you r in therapy is that u have issues which pose a challenge in dealing with issues that hold u back from enjoying your life to the fullest. Your T is there to help u but if u start to think about how he, or she, lives their life than u are not thinking about the reason u went there in the first place. U r there to get better and u have to b mindful of that and have to concentrate on your recovery.

Just think about it....if u were to ask your T about how he, or she, spends their time at home when alone, how do do think he, or she, would react?? Who is the therapist here???, U, or the T???
Thanks for your post almostthere, but I'll have to respectfully disagree. First off, there's a big difference between asking my T about what he actually does in his personal life, and imagining what I like to think he does, in my head, according to my fantasy of what he is like. That's all me.

A while ago, I read an article or a blog post or something about a therapy group where each group member described their own, imagined version of what the T did outside of the group, what his home was like, etc - all completely different. The point being that part of being in therapy involves constructing an image of your T, because you see them for an hour a week or whatever, but they become an important part of your life and you get attached to them.

For what it's worth, the issues I have include attachment problems, caused by early trauma, and major trust issues. As my T puts it, I need someone to trust but I don't have a template for that. Learning about who my T is, and how he lives his life, is hugely important because I'm forming an image of him as someone I can trust.

The more I do that, the better I am at recognising transference (I used to experience my T shouting at me or being horrible and have gradually learned that it's not what's really happening) and also the better I am at holding onto the image of the good-enough therapist - so, when something upsets me, I don't freak out and lose that image like I did at the beginning.

Who he is matters a lot. He isn't just a stuffed toy who sits in the room while I talk. He's not a blank screen. He's an actual person, with a personality. We have talked about who he is - because sometimes I mishear or misremember what he says, and he says it's okay if I kind of make up some things he's said in my head, so long as they're consistent with who he is as a person.

If I ask him about how he spends his time at home, one or both of the following things will happen: either he'll answer (like when I asked him if he watches Doctor Who) or he'll be interested in why I'm asking.

If I told my T how I imagine him at home, I suspect he would just be really interested in why I imagined that, how I felt when I imagined it, why I was asking, and how I imagined I might feel if he answered. As to concentrating on my recovery, I don't really know how to, yet. My T says he'll handle the process and I just need to keep on turning up.
Hugs from:
critterlady
Thanks for this!
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