Seriously I feel like a ticking time bomb and even the moment I feel the slightest bit of pleasure my brain makes me feel like I don't deserve to feel any pleasure or be happy at all and it's so short-lived and I am truly convinced that I was put on this planet to suffer.

I'm literally a nervous wreck! I don't know where to turn, I don't know what to do! I feel completely lost and alone. I don't understand anything anymore. I laugh randomly and talk to myself.
I have to motivate myself with all my night to accomplish even the smallest of tasks e.g. Brushing my teeth, straightening my hair, etc.

I have constant migraines. I'm like a ticking time BOMB and the slightest smallest little thing is gonna make me burst out in tears and cry and cry and panic, sweat and panic! My mind races with painful horrific flashbacks and horrendous memories which my brain won't stop reminding me of!
I ask myself everyday, "Why do I do it! Why do I remind myself of what happened to me!", but it honestly feels like these racing thoughts aren't in my control at all and that my brain just wants me to suffer and suffer, even worse than the people who traumatised me to the state that I'm in everyday.

There's no enjoyment in anything. I even have to motivate myself to listen to music and watch TV. I don't know where to turn! It's like I'm stuck in a well she calling our for help and there's no-one around! It's like I'm a zebra out in the open with a pack of hyenas. It's like I'm screaming, screaming AND SCREAMING and no-one can hear me! What do I do! There's no way out! I feel so hopeless and helpless.