Hi,
I'm a 25-year-old female from outside the US. English is not my mother tongue, so you might encounter some grammatical errors or oddities in my writing from time to time.

About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Later it turned out to be type II bipolar disorder with sporadic psychotic breaks. I've been hospitalized a total of 5 times in the last 4 years. At first I was on risperidone, but I just couldn't continue with it. I felt emotionless, I couldn't make a decent conversation, I couldn't think. I was half dead, half alive. Plus, it didn't really help with depressive episodes. Right now I'm on fluvoxamine (antidepressant) and lamotrigine (mood stabilizer). The problem is ever since changing the treatment I've gone from rapid to ultra-rapid cycling. What's worse I'm drug resistant and inclined to mixed episodes. Of course, I've tried all kinds of meds - they made me feel even worse. What can I say, my life is in pieces. I'm struggling everyday. I dropped out from university twice, I can't seem to be able to create a stable relationship. I lost one about a week ago, actually. Since I'm 25 and haven't really achieved much, I feel like a failure. I feel like a failure as a potential partner, I feel like a failure as an actual partner. There seems to be no way out of it. I'm in therapy, but even my therapist can't keep up with my frequent mood changes and doctors are a bit helpless in the face of my drug resistance. They've run out of ideas. Don't get me wrong - I'm not giving up. Not ever. Still, my disorder cost me my education and, most of all, my relationships.
However, I'm applying to my old university again this year, although I feel a little insecure about it.

I think the reason I decided to post my story is because I need a little reassurance from people who understand.