I see what you mean, Lex, and I'm glad you posted it here. That's exactly the reason why I came to this forum and not to family or friends, expecting unbiased opinions like yours that could enlighten me.

Maybe I was wrong on joking about him "being a little slow" and he was in his right to be mad about it. Honestly, is the 1st time in my life I say such a thing to him, and I kind of expected him to get the irony since everybody knows how clever and smart he is. It was my bad.

However, if you feel sensitive about that, you'll be torn away if you knew the kind of things he says to me. The most disrespectful thing he has ever said was a few weeks ago (I could explain the whole story but it's kinda long and unnecessary) when he couldn't answer me a question, so he decided to yell at me "SHUT THE ***** UP!! ***** YOU!! MIND YOUR OWN F*CKING BUSINESS!!". So uncalled for. I'm not going to lie, I yelled at him the same thing when he repeated the same insult for a 2nd time because, again, I have developed this angry self in order to match his temper and defend myself. Later I felt really stupid because never in my life would I have imagined I would be saying such a thing to someone I love, and wouldn't have expected for someone to insult me like that either. A few days ago this incident was brought up and he claims he doesn't remember it... but later apologized to me about it.

I know it is a very confusing thing to say that he is very loving and angry at the same time. But that's the truth and that's why it is so hard to identify the verbal abuse (actually, my best friend had said to me once: "his behavior towards you falls under abuse" ... I guess I didn't see it at the time). When I say that he doesn't calls me names, I mean, for example, he doesn't say "You're ignorant" directly... but he frequently treats me like one. (English is not my 1st language so its kinda hard to translate this...) He would say such things like "Oh, here, let me draw you a map so you can understand it better" or "repeat after me", or "i don't know where your brain is, honestly". So, the fact that he is not directly calling me a name doesn't mean he is verbally abusing me. After reading the mentioned article, I couldn't help but identify myself with 3 out of 4 scenarios. I guess my case is kind of peculiar since I am able to see when he's being manipulative (his sister also confirmed this to me some time ago), or even fight him back when he verbally attacks me, which actually turns out to be a very bad way to react, of course.

I think it all comes down to anger management problems. He thinks it is normal to fight frequently, to be bossy, or to be pissed off. He does acknowledge he has a bad temper. But I don't think he understands completly how much he lets it get the best of him. He used to fight a lot with his previous girlfriend, and honestly, after fighting so much with me (I am one of the most peaceful people on this planet), I don't think he'll be able to sustain a healthy relationship with anybody else unless he finds out what causes him to be angry so often.

Anyway, I had written this post on a sticky note in my computer before publishing it. Apparently I let it visible and he "accidentally" read it (go figure). So there it goes the whole reason for my post, hahaha. We hadn't talk about it yet, but let see what happens when he gets home tonight. He said he felt pretty bad reading it.

Thank you all for your opinions so far. It's been quite helpful. I'll keep you posted.