My husbands Crohns started flaring up Sunday. He went to th Er to get pain relief and he didnt get any though. Monday he tried to shoot himself. I had the gun taken away. I have to hide my flexeril from him because Im afraid he'll try to OD. I cant leave him alone at all. I went 2 miles up the road to buy his probiotics, he was asleep when I left. I was only gone 10 minutes and when I came home he was no where to be found. I freaked out scared to death of what I would find. He was in.the bathroom. Doing nothing but using the bathroom. Earlier, we went to a new Gp trying to get relief from his pain. And the doc asked my husband if he had ever been tested for Hiv. Of course, my obsessive tjinking/phobias began. My husband said yes everytime we went to a new doc they tested him. The doc said well its cause youre thin. (he has Crohns!!! Of course hes thin!!). Anyway, my husbands self esteem went from low to non existant. H told me on the way there that this doc was going to be the last shot. If he didmt help him, he would, you know. Cause he was tired of living in pain. Well, on the way home, he was going off about this doctor and this new law (going by the new law, abdominal pain does not qualify you for narcotic pain medicine). Then he started crying saying he must look awful cause the doc asked him about Hiv. (Im still trippin over that one) then he started purposefully swerving into oncoming traffic. I was, by then, hyperventelating. He pulled over on this curvy desolate highway and told me to get out. I wouldnt. But he straightend himself out. We got home and I threw up in the car and driveway. And I havent been right since. But I have to look after him. Hes been saying "g-damn this g-damn that, I hate my g-damned life" He NEVER says that. Ever but he said God damned him with Crohns. So hes mad at Her/Him. Then he goes from g-damning everything to crying. To not speaking at all. I told this new Gp about it but he brushed it off. I actually started crying and said "Hes suicidal! Do something to help him!" I yelled it. But the doc didnt say or do anything!!! And now Im left with my obsessive phobia, my husbands nervous breakdown & his family is being awful and sh**ty about it. His great aunt told him in a snotty tone "I heard about your little stunt. If your gramdmother dies from this itll be your fault". She said that about his S attempt! Im just so messed up right now. I feel so overwhelmed. But I have no one Irl to talk about it to. No one knows about my phobia except my Bff and hes Hiv+ I talked a little about it and he told me I dont have it and gave me some really great advice but I didnt want to talk too much about it with him cause he actually has Hiv and I thought it would be rude.
Thanks for reading. Im not making much sense and my mind is racing. I hope some of my Pc friends has advice.