With mania there are obvious behaviors that go along with it, but also some physical/biological symptoms you can't really fake (energy and insomnia for example). For arguments sake, let's say you're all alone or otherwise don't have people around to tell you when they sense something is off. How would you know when you're manic, and how would you be able to rate its severity?

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I was hospitalized earlier this year simply for making a grandiose statement in front of a therapist I had seen for only 10 minutes. I was not a danger to myself or others, and my stay in inpatient really was to no benefit at all. The inpatient pdoc said I was manic on my discharge papers, but I'm not so sure. It took me a while to realize how I did fit most of the dsm criteria for mania, but the fact that the several month period I was supposedly manic, I had no sleep irregularities or sense of energy/euphoria or irritability brings me to question if it was even mania.

I first experienced a flight of ideas, all of which sounded so good to me at the time I became obsessively goal oriented, which quickly became unrealistic and downright delusional (first it was revolutionizing our understanding of the human brain, then I decided I could figure out how the universe works, later I thought I was the reincarnation of some biblical character, or perhaps even an alien from another time or dimension, and I seriously thought I was going to save the world or start walking on water any day (ok grandiose was an understatement)). I started making extremely loose associations between words and their sounds, thinking there was some sort of hidden logic behind it all that only I could comprehend and make use of, but ultimately could teach others to see. I also started worrying that a terminator was after me or that the sky would spawn a tornado and suck me into it before I revealed the secret nature of our reality.

At the hospital I think I might have hallucinated, as I started faintly seeing writing of some sort on the surface of various things, though it wasn't vivid enough to read or even interpret. I actually shrugged it off and ignored it because I was so focused on writing at the time. When I was in there I thought that there was going to be an earthquake or outbreak of war which would allow me to get out of there. There was another 19 year old in there who had ADD and drug problems, but he started listening to the things I had to say and even found some of it to be profound. I had it in my head that I was super convincing and that anyone who listened to me would become a follower. I had him reading my journal expecting him to become mesmerized by it, and on one page I wrote "take me hostage". I wanted him to interpret that message as "hold a pen to my carotid artery and get us the **** out of here, also, hot wire a car for me when we get out of here". Luckily he felt too distracted to read to the part where I suggested it. I also thought he was a young version of Santa Claus or destined to become him for some reason.

It sounds ridiculous and pretty severe when I write about it, but I still question if it was true mania since I wasn't talking a mile a minute or having trouble sleeping. I don't recall feeling giddy or euphoric at all, either. I'm a year out of high school and live with my parents, and during all of this time they had no idea anything was going on with me. I kept all of this to myself until it passed. If the pdoc in inpatient thought I was manic, I still managed to keep 90% of it from him (I seem able to portray a rational demeanor when I'm anything but). It wasn't until weeks after it passed I started getting some perspective on it all. I questioned my sanity but thought it was perfectly fine to be psychotic and delusional as long as you kept expanding and reworking the delusions so they can't be proven impossible.

This was so strange because my mind had never been hijacked like that before. I already had a BP1 diagnosis prior to this, but I think I was having hypomania and reactive mood swings to stress. Part of me just wants to attribute it all to my tendency towards obsession and a subconsciousness attempt at escaping boredom, but I need answers, even if they're just opinions.