i'm lost. i don't know what i want. i really don't. i'm supposed to feel happy... right? i don't know. it's like it's this vast forest that i'm stuck in and i don't know the way out.

the urges to si and sui are getting stronger and i don't know whether i can cope with this...

on another note, since my neighbouring country is putting fires in their forests, the whole country i'm in is hazy and the pollutants standards index is at hazardous level and this is not helping the depression at all.