Thank you for your concern and support, (thanks to all who replied to me). I know people mean well with their attempts to relate to me and I know that my pain is making them uncomfortable. I know they don't know what to do. But some people really don't want to know whats going on because they don't want to help if it has to do with money, or a place to stay which I can understand. Others I think just don't want to know so they don't have to worry. Then I feel that some people just want to be happy in their own lives and don't want to hear anything negative about anyone else. I have a bad habit of being too open with people about what I'm feeling and what I'm dealing with and I think it turns people off. But I only do it with those I feel closest to. You would think they would be more compassionate. I just feel angry at people because I feel like they don't want to be involved with me, I feel like some people have deliberately avoided contacting me. My bf feels like he's stuck with me, I know he wishes my family would take me in. He knew I suffered with depression but didn't experience it until now. Now it is too much for him, he doesn't want to deal with me. I feel totally betrayed by him. Nothing helps me feel better right now. All I want to do is sleep. I feel hopeless. I know that if I do manage to get out of this depressed state, find a job and try to get my head above water, it will be just a matter of time before something happens to make me go down hill again. I recently saw something on depression and they said your chances of having another episode increases with each episode. This would be my 3rd major depressive episode where I am not able to function and saw death as the only way out. With me, if my life is miserable and I'm unhappy, eventually I will start to lose hope and end up with a major depression. So I don't feel very hopeful about ever getting over this.