I had a drug problem about 2-3 years ago, and as a result started “outpatient rehab”. I basically went in once a day to check in, got drug tested every 1-2 weeks, and had counseling appointments twice a week.

A couple weeks ago, I was Manic and bought about $300 worth of drugs, which were gone in two days. Since then, I’ve found myself drinking more then 10 drinks about 3 times a week, doing a lot of ecstasy, a lot of weed, and abusing some prescription meds I have for various ailments. I know I should be worried, for some reason, I am not.

I’ve managed to drink myself into a stomach ulcer, to the point I have puked blood. I have gotten a concussion from smashing my head off the porcelain part of a toilet, I’ve had an overdose, I’ve hurt my liver (weekly enzyme tests at this point), and I actually CRAVE the taste of liquor (not beer, not mixed drinks, LIQUOR).

It’s exaggerating my illness’ symptoms, I think. It’s gotten to the point that if I do one thing, I have to do another to counteract it at the same time so I don’t have severe symptoms.

On average, since that expensive weekend, I’ve spent about $100+ on liquor alone every week. It’s affecting my money situation… I am getting third job to support my habit. I don’t need a third job, technically, to support it. I just don’t feel content if I don’t have a certain amount of money in my bank account.

It’s a problem, I know this, but I am not worried at all. I don’t know if that makes sense. I also feel like it isn’t validated either, just due to my age (which I know logically doesn’t matter but still…). I mean, everyone my age drinks on the weekends and stuff, so shouldn’t it be okay for me too?

I am thinking about looking into some kind of treatment, but where do I start?