I should say that I was only in inpatient for 8 days, and that my body can't tolerate very many medications, so I was put on verapamil which did nothing, and the episode escalated then slowly fizzled out over the next few months.

My behavior wasn't too strange and I was either in my journal or on my computer writing my thoughts almost everyday, so no one really noticed, and I didn't want them to. I thought I was creating some grand message for the world and that I needed to keep refining it before I showed anyone, and my desire to make it perfect kept people from seeing how off I was.

A year earlier than this I had a severe rapid cycle stint with dissociation and couldn't remember most of it until weeks and months later. I don't think I had any memory lapses with this recent episode, but the sheer volume of thoughts makes it hard to recall all that I was thinking at the time. There was no one to "tell me about it later".

I think I've done this, talking to myself and writing very long posts. I know one post I written on another forum was over 10 pages long.