Autopilot. I get that too. Your description at the hairdresser was spot on. Hang in there.

I feel like I'm in the same spot as you... For many years I just dealt with my weird social habits and quietness, etc... Held jobs. When it really started to worsen, it was when I had retail jobs. Slowly, the dread of going each day go worse. I got an office job. It was better - didn't speak to anyone because I did solitary computer work, background stuff. Then I guess I did my job so well, they kept promoting me, and that meant interacting with everyone. I was this functional form of myself that I maintained only by putting on a mask every day, and I didn't even realize it. After another promotion, I broke. I was so stressed, because I was suddenly being criticized for not socializing with others, and just working. So frustrating. I wasn't able to meet their expectations, and was laid off. All of my "masks" were shattered, and with the shock and relief of not having to wear them, every wall I'd built since a child fell in a month's time or less. Since then, I've felt just like you've described. You're not alone - don't feel you're alien or anything... So many feel just like us. It's so frustrating having known what it's like to just go get things done, and to feel like that has been taken away from me. Just hang in there.