I have figured out why I'm so nervous being out in public-I feel like a walking joke. I am a chubby ugly clown for the 'normal' people's amusement. It doesn't matter how good I think I look indoors, the second I step out into the world I feel I can see the amusement in people's tiny cruel eyes as they look at me and watch me struggle. I think these feeling are left over from middle/high school because back then people actually did make fun of me wherever I went, but I just can't convince myself no one is laughing at me anymore.