It does not sound like your wife is abusive, just petty and childish. It sounds like she is not happy with the marriage and I don't see why you do not discuss that and her bad behavior with her and decide if you want to stay or leave.

Abuse among adults has to come from force, in my opinion, as everyone is an adult and entered into the marriage contract as an adult and can leave the same way if being a part of that couple is harmful to one's self or otherwise too much work/unpleasant. You cannot change your wife, who she was, is, is becoming, etc., that is her job. It does not sound like she will even accept help from you.

The only way you can really know how to move ahead for yourself is to discuss all this you have raised here with her, see what she says, what her thoughts are and how she feels. I would let her know what you would like (for her to get a job and help support the two of you and herself) and for her to be happier and less inclined to pick fights and be unhappy with other people. If she needs/wants therapy to help with that, you might want to help in that way. But if she insists she has no problem and it's you or the "rest of the world" that does, I would decide I did not want to be around someone like that who could easily hurt my own mental and physical health with her attitude.