The whole point of masturbating is having an orgasm in my opinion. Otherwise it is like baking a cake and then throwing it in the toilet. It was a lot of work for nothing.

The thing holding you captive is 17 year old hormones. Your body is full of testosterone and it is an evolutionary urge to procreate. We live in a civilised societity and so can't just go up to a mate and start having sex. The next best thing is to satsify the urge with masturbation. From a biological standpoint.

From a cognitive standpoint, orgasms feel really good, don't have many drawbacks and you can have one pretty much whenever you want.

The thing that may make you feel disgusted is bot being comfortable with yourself, influences in your life telling you it is wrong, or being caught doing it and being embarrassed.

Or the possibility of sexual abuse. That is a whole other bag of worms though, and if that is the case I would urge you to seek some help in dealing with those issues. Sexual abuse can create all kinds of internal conflicts and cause a lot of confusion.