I understand what you're going through. One thing you should remember is that: thought is not a crime. Acting on thoughts and natural compulsions would be a betrayal of your relationship, but this, it seems to me, is just normal human instinct (looking at other people).

Have you looked at other girls in the past year and a half? Have you talked to your exes?

Have you thought about why maybe you're so jealous? What are you afraid of? What do these feelings of rage and betrayal really say about you and your insecurities?

Best of luck and I hope things get better!