My birthday was on June 19th, I turned 15, and you know what ? I was in the psych ward. Sleeping. The entire day. They drugged me up with sedatives and i don't remember much at all, except for eating a nasty plate of macaroni and then going back to sleep. On June 18th, I did something so stupid. I wasn't feeling suicidal. Honestly. But for some reason, I left school during school hours and walked for a bit. I decided I wanted to go buy something for myself. I couldn't find any good stores but I found the bus terminal downtown. I went in there and my anxiety levels were so high, I didn't know what was happening. I lost control. I was talking to myself out loud (something I do when I get anxious in public) and randomly laughing and then crying immediately after. This went on for a bit and the security officers at the bus terminal occasionally asked me what was wrong. I was irritable and I didn't know what to say. But for some stupid reason, I asked them where I could buy a rope. Yeah.. captain obvious much. My feet, my entire life, have always had a mind of their own. I find myself in places I don't need to be, and I end up causing trouble.

Where I was standing at the time, the second floor looks down onto the first floor. There is a railing and you can see way down to the first floor. It is quite a drop but probably wouldn't kill me unless I went head-first.
I'm a really impulsive person, and suddenly I found myself trying to leap over the railing. The security officers, two females, spontaneously acquired supersonic speed and strength, because less than a second later I was being thrown up against the wall and handcuffed. The police were called and I was taken to the hospital.

Despite my attempts to convince them that I am not suicidal, I was admitted. It was horrible. The next day was my birthday and I slept right through it.

I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe someone who reads this has a similar experience to share so I don't feel like my life is completely horrible. I don't know. Someone help me feel better about this