Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I just lost my reply to you. Here I go again.
Thanks, Mapleton. Yes, I know what you mean. I felt cared about when my T brought up the interrupting and not listening. It showed she's doing her job. 
Another hard truth, not emailing her, is more difficult. Every time I think about it I get sad and teary-eyed. I remember when she answered every single email and said she always would. She changed a lot of rules when she saw they weren't helping me. I know I wanted us to be friends, or have a more reciprocal relationship, and it hurts not to, but I always knew that's not what therapy is about. The goal is NOT to become closer to her, though that was always MY goal. Again, my T is giving me a RX to help me, and I have to follow it to get better. I just wish it didn't mean that I have to "give her up".
It was a hard truth knowing she won't give me a big reduction in her fee next year. Right now I pay her $25/week but I won't have insurance in the future. I'd rather see her once/month than not at all. It won't be therapy, though. I tried it with my last T, and it was awful! I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. |
Therapy seems to be more a benevolent charade of friendship than anything... And there are very protective reasons for the lack of open genuine connection.
I am sorry that your T was lenient at first, and strict now. It's a loss, just like termination. T can't always be there, and won't be there forever, so delaying just delays the inevitable loss and pain. I guess that's the reason for the rules; to negate that later loss.
I have, til now, been a bit relationally blind, so I don't think to ask the questions and mirror the emotions that foster those easy emotional connections, but even so, the 2 relative short term individual therapists that (kinda) terminated me... I can't help but feel it.
I'm very glad that you're pragmatic about this, and have come to terms with what you'll deal with. The time thing, yes... Not ideal, but I know you'd like it more regular. The only thing worse than seeing your T monthly, is less frequently or not at all... right?
The email thing... Yeah... Some option to just tell some who understands and doesn't judge you, in between sessions feels like a necessity for many.
I emailed my new T, without knowing if I could, and without absolutely knowing her email. Absolutely no reply. I'm not sure, but suspect, that I'll be chastised a bit for that in session on Mon... but secretly hope that it was just an incorrect email. I'm going with the 'I broke the rule' version, so I don't get disappointed