I edited the original post because I hate writing walls and few people read them. Can't change the thread title. Basically I'm diagnosed bipolar but I'm pretty sure I steered the doctors or even manipulated them for the diagnosis because in some sick sense I felt like I might feel better knowing what to call it. Well, psych meds simply don't work and my moods for the most part aren't really consistent with bipolar disorder (except for the occasional flare up every couple of years).

I have a lot of problems coping with stress, getting triggered and feeling suicidal, rapidly shifting from extremely good moods and extremely bad moods (often short lived), etc. My "major depressions" which I haven't had in years are mostly cognitive, set off by stress and with no ability to cope I just internalize it all and convince myself of the futility of life just to keep moping along, though I can't stress enough that those depressions felt like a change in attitude and perspective, rather than with the physical symptoms and drug responsive chemical imbalances you see in normal and bipolar depression---I did not wake up depressed, rather it came to me as soon as I started thinking about it. I'm not even convinced I've ever had bipolar hypo/mania, but I've had mood swings that superficially resemble them.

I was going to let this topic die but I'd appreciate any posts.