OK, well I have been having this strange dream and I can't figure out why or what it means. Let's just say I am really close with my teacher (I'm not lesbian, we are both female; she is like a mother to me, and I do have a real mother) I am just really close with her and can trust her no matter what happens.

It starts out where me and my teacher are alone in a room talking about something, but I can never hear what either of us are saying. So, we're just talking and a different evil version of me walks in the room. I'm a bit different though; my eyes are definitely different, though I can't remember what was different about them, my clothes were strange, and my self-harm scars were gone. Well, this evil version of me is holding a gun. The evil version of me aims at my teacher and fires the gun. I jump in front of her to protect her.

This is the only time where the dream ever changes.
Option 1) I jump in front and I'm killed. I feel good for a little while but then the evil version of me fires at my teacher again and we're both dead.
Option 2) I jump in front but am too late and my teacher is killed. Then, I am shot anyway. We're both dead.

The fact that I die in my dreams doesn't bother me. I actually like that part (I'm depressed and self-harm). The part that bothers me is that my teacher dies. She has a life and family and great future ahead of her, and me...Well not so much, as I see it. It also bothers me that the murderer was "me" in a sense. I mean, I'm suicidal, not homicidal. Other people have lives to live and reasons to live them. I don't want to ever get in the way of that. Never. I want everyone else to live, even when all I want to be is dead. I hate that I could even picture myself holding any other weapon at anyone else but myself with a knife at my wrist. That's my only weapon, and it's against myself.

If anyone has any ideas, that would be awesome.