I use up a lot of energy doing things that I think must seem like your normal, every day activities to the "normal" person. Grocery shopping, going to work, driving my car without crashing into things (somedays more successfully than others, sadly), taking care of my daughter.

I'm sure most people put up with FAR more than I do. I don't even take my daughter to her gymnastics or swimming classes. I told my sister in law and mother in law that tomorrow I want to take her to finally get her 2 year pictures taken (mind you, she turned two about 3 months ago), knowing full well that they'd want to go, because I know that going by myself would just be a panic attack waiting to happen.

I mean, **** I'm just a huge loser.

I haven't taken her to the doctor since before she turned one. THAT makes me feel like a huge embarrassing failure. But this week I did finally schedule an appointment when I was feeling particularly motivated yesterday. I mean, *I* can go to a different doctor every damn week, but I can't find the time to take my child to a doctor once every 6 ****ing months? How much of a loser am I?

I'm just tired. My pdoc told me to try the Trazodone tonight... I think I'll take him up on it and hope that for the first time this week, I can get more than just a few hours of sleep.

I'm just beat down. Did you ever feel like you spend SO much time over reacting, and over feeling emotions, that sometimes you just have days where you're so very empty that you couldn't feel anything if you tried?

I need to sleep. I'm sure it's just in my head and I'll feel like a idiot tomorrow.