Wasn't sure where to put this post, but this seems reasonable enough.

Anyway... this is quite odd and I'm not sure I'll be able to explain it but.....

I'm going through a phase where I don't quite feel alive, per se. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm living and I feel that. But I don't feel the "connectivity" or "energy" of living.

I'm not depressed, but lately frustrated with things in my life in general. In these times I usually look for things that inspire me and "connect" me to life. But the past couple months I've been coming up short. And it's kind of.... strange. Similar things have happened, but not quite like this.

For example: I'm kind of obsessed with space and the cosmos. (When I've had [hypo]manic episodes in the past, this can get a bit out of control - but even in "normal" times this exists.) When things get out of control, or I just need "some time," I'll go out and look for my favorite color (which can only be found at a specific time of twilight) or get captured by the stars. As strange at it seems, the feeling of being so "small" and "insignificant" in the vastness of everything is quite humbling for me and actually gives me the feeling of being alive I'm talking about. But I haven't felt this in who knows how long. Tonight I stared at the sky for quite some time and the only thing I could think of was "so what?" and I felt absolutely nothing.

That's only one example. But the best I can come up with. It's kind of disheartening and leaves me flat. Any suggestions or comments on how you find these moments? ...If at all.