I just want to illustrate this with a food analogy.

Our grocery store here has a refrigerator in which it keeps clearance items. I usually check it. Sometimes there are yummy things there.

Today they had cut up watermelon on clearance.

I did not buy it.

I love watermelon but did not buy it.

This is because my experience buying watermelon at cheaper grocery stores (not Whole Foods) has taught me that cut up watermelon is often rotten, overripe, and, basically, well past its prime. And if cut up watermelon at regular prices has been known to be well past its prime, then (I concluded) one should not even take chances with cut up watermelon that the grocery store employees deemed worthy of the "clearance" label.

So I did not buy it but did fantasize about - some day - inviting a group of friends over and serving a real watermelon with the rind on.

So I still love watermelon, but have learned that the enjoyment of watermelon has to be planned in advance, and certain requirements have to be met - a whole watermelon has to be bought; the fridge in my apartment should not be cluttered with random stuff because in order to serve the watermelon chilled, I have to have enough space in the fridge; people need to be invited ahead of time; etc. - takes a lot of planning. But I do still love watermelon.

I am not trying to say that your bf's son is rotten - no! But just trying to illustrate, tangibly, what it is to have learned from experience.