To force someone to eat vegetables by threatening to discontinue the supply of food altogether is a mild version of rape. You see it almost as your accomplishment. It is not an accomplishment. It is not an achievement to be proud of. It is what it is - forcing somebody to do what she does not want to do.

If you do not like her ways, disengage from her.

Also, you wrote about the online bf as if the skills needed to find an online bf were completely transferrable and could be readily applied towards helping your family out. This is not necessarily the case. If you believe that she does not deserve having a bf (you seemed to imply that but did not state so outright, so I am unsure), disengage from her. People do not particularly like to associate with those who begrudge them their online boyfriends. And what if she gets a RL bf? Would you begrudge a RL bf more? or less? or the same? Food for thought?..

Reread what you have rewritten to see that you come across as self-righteous, and being self-righteous is not, generally speaking, endearing. She might be harboring resentment towards you and / or acting out in passive aggressive ways because of all the pent up resentment. No fun.