Earlier this year I posted a very optimistic thread about a new job ( http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...ance-life.html ). However, after two months of working I began to relapse into a depressive episode, I felt like giving up and hated the job for quite a while. Eventually I was having panic attacks, suffering from suicidal thoughts and started self harming again.

After seeing a doctor I went home with a new prescription for lorazepam and propanalol. I thought this would help but after another month of fighting and trying to keep with it all I fell apart. I had an appointment with my consultant psychiatrist in which work was identified as a major trigger of the Bipolar Disorder I was diagnosed with only two years ago.

I was advised to take another two weeks off sick and was given a sick note by my doctor. I was also told to think about whether or not I am able to work and further to that discussion I resigned. After resigning I feel a lot better, like a load has been taken off my shoulders.

However I am now going through the stressful process of applying for disability benefits here in the UK (which I was advised to do) and living off just £50 a week. I still haven't been able to tell dad I've resigned from yet another job and feel like such a disappointment to my family and more ashamed than when I was diagnosed bipolar; more ashamed than I have in my entire life actually.

I've failed again. Maybe I'm just never going to be successful. I keep failing and that hurts :'(

RB