Maybe, staying not under the same roof, is a good idea, until you get the therapy necessary to move past the assault.

Worrying about safe words, well, it's fine time to create some. And communicating with a partner that it's an Ambien night, isn't a bad idea, either. It's supposed to help one fall asleep, not necessarily stay asleep unless extended release. And honestly, he needed to respect that you are taking a sleeping pill.

Perhaps, mention to your pdoc, that the ambien isn't helping you stay asleep and you are having the side effect of talking and being awake while on it, isn't far fetched, it's not made for everyone. ((there's a reason why it's called the date rape drug, and people out there voice concern when they hear that someone is using it.))

You need to feel safe when you sleep.

How to get over this? Not sure. A good amount of time in therapy, and then ask yourself, if moving on, is what you want. Time apart, because he doesn't respect you when you are in a vulnerable position.

And if you are going to entertain the rougher side of life, time to sort through those boundaries....i.e., safewords!!!! (or even if not a word, a specific physical gesture. need to be able to trust the partner you are travelling that lifestyle with)

How long have you been together with him?