I'm so sorry RB.

I've been in jobs that I literally hated with every fiber of my being. I've driven home crying and hating my life. Recognizing how much it's destroying you takes a kind of strength even though it doesn't really feel like it. We're really hard on ourselves when it comes to how we define being "successful". I think as long as you're trying, putting in the most effort that you can possibly think to put in, you shouldn't feel any shame in that.