I feel like life does not want me to succeed. Earlier today, when I tried to fix a bracelet that basically was out of place, it took me several times to fix it. I asked someone to do it for me, and they were able to do it in just a fraction of a second. I wondered why I couldn't have done it the way she did it. I was so mad at myself. I was like, "I am not good luck."

Or when I want to learn something online or take some notes about a topic, do you know how hard it is to rephrase the notes so that it would be more concise and less wordy? I tried to do that and guess what...I can only write it word for word.

Others praise me for my proficiency in writing papers, but I don't seem to be using a lot of highfalutin phrases. It made me feel like my skills for writing was inadequate, and that I needed to practice more. I can't see myself as being booksmart, yet others are trying to convince me that I am. I'm skeptical about that so I go, "Am I really?" I mean, when I compare my paper with that of my friends, I'm like,"Wow, look at all the words you use. You ought to be in college now." that's why i've been wanting to look up a lot of words because i feel like I need to "catch up." But for some reason, porn and masturbation has killed most of my brain cells, leading to a deficiency in word choices and an obliteration of my former skills that come in handy. Porn and masturbation are always there to hinder my success. They both appear either separately or together to let me know that they're not going to let me advance, due in part to your former theft of your teacher's dictionary. Isn't there a time when I get to be the nerd? I have never been the nerd in class and it makes me sad. I'm like,"Destiny opens her arms for these guys and sets them up for success. As for me, I don't always get to be caught in her warm embrace." I simply don't know what my talents are.

I just don't see the self-worth in myself.