Been on the depakote for something like a month, still not stable.

Crazy repeating dreams when I do sleep, and I feel like the eye of a tornado when I'm awake.

I keep dreaming about 2 things.

1) escaping (usually psych hospitals, etc.)
2) dying/being shot (is it instant? slow death? I have questions.)

everything inside me is numb, but when I engage the world around me I must go go go, ask every question, leave no stone unturned!

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I should just die because I'll end up failing anyway, and I don't want to live another 20 years anyways.