I get wanting to do it all indepently and stuff (I always refused help for those same reasons) but if you really feel like you're never going to be useful or productive and like you're a failure who isn't worth staying alive? Then you should be talking about it with someone because clearly just meds isn't helping!

And sure, it's a chemical imbalance. Doesn't mean that we can't all learn different things to do to make things easier for us that doesn't require the meds! The more help the better.

And disability services doesn't exactly mean someone taking notes for you. It could mean being given more time to complete assignments or to take tests or whatnot. It's still you doing all the work - they aren't going to do it for you! They will just work with you to make sure that you don't fail your classes if you have a semester going on at the same time as you being in a huge funk that stops you from getting anything you want to get done.

Anyway. I'm just trying to be helpful and I obviously don't know you or your whole situation... but your last post feels rather angry or confrontational, so I'll withdraw from trying to be supportive....