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Originally Posted by shortandcute
Lots of hugs to you. I'm sorry that youre going thru all this.
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Thank you.
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Originally Posted by AnnaBegins
From what you are describing, it sounds to me like both of these people aren't very good friends to you and haven't been for some time. I know that when you start a relationship, it's all very exciting and the siren call to spend all of your spare time with the other person is very hard to resist. But, ditching your other friends to isolate yourself with one person isn't healthy and probably doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. And consistently lying to you and acting in ways that could be interpreted as them letting you know that you don't mean as much to them as they do to each other (cancelling plans and then hanging out as scheduled without you being there) don't seem like the characteristics of true friends. It is tricky to believe this though, and even trickier to let it (them) go in favor of more positive, healthier relationships.
There is something positive to be taken from your recognizing that this is a vicious cycle and you want it to stop.
I wish I knew the answers to how to break the cycle. Maybe it would help to come up with a list of distractions that you can turn to whenever the urge to lash out at either them or you comes on? I've been trying exercise to help me with a somewhat similar situation - figure if I go for a 15-30 minute walk every time I feel the emotions connected to a particular relationship start to overwhelm me, I'll hopefully not only distract myself long enough to make a better decision, I'll help address some of my weight issues.
Sending you lots of thoughts of support!  |
It wasn't acting in ways that could be interpreted as me not being important - they started a relationship together. Cheating on their husbands with each other relationship. I wasn't important. Plain and simple.
The distraction is a good idea, but I'm having a hard time coming up with distractions that work. I love to read. But lately the books aren't engrossing enough to take my mind off things. Plus, they all have happy endings, something I don't have in my life. Walking is good, but it doesn't distract my mind. I'd be walking and my mind would be churning, churning, churning the whole time and I would be getting angrier and angrier.
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Originally Posted by greentires4me
start loving yourself and you will always a have a friend to go out with in yourself sure it might be lonely or odd that your talking to yourself while your out but more people should try it out to be happy. I used to go to restaurants and have conversations with myself.
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Thanks Greentires, but my immediate thought is there is nothing here to love. If there was, they would see it and would treat me accordingly.
It doesn't help that in all of this, these two were my first real and true friends. We shared everything. I felt safe, and like I could trust them. Then I find out all the lies and they ditch me for each other, and I just feel like "Of course this is what happens. Stupid, stupid you for even thinking someone might be a real friend."
All wrapped up in this too - is I don't want to let them go. I want them to stay, I want the one who left me to come back. I want them to be around to show me I have some value, that I'm worth being friends with. And of course, the one that left, the more I bang on her door, so to speak, the less she wants to answer it, but I can't stop it. I NEED her to let me in, because she was wrong. If she never lets me in, then she spends the rest of her life thinking she made the right decision and she didn't. And I know that all sounds so stupid, but I can't let this go!! I mean, It's been how many hours since my first post and I'm still all worked up over it!!