Kept myself appreciative of life, just watching my kids play at the beach.

I am a bundle of tears, have been since yesterday. Surprisingly, my ex has lent his ear to me, since what is going on affects these kids, my life and subsequently him too.

Dealing with FOO stuff, and OMG. Never mind I'm awaiting my next pdoc appointment, dealing with seems like panic attacks, but either way depression/anxiety are part of my life. I'm going to ask what else I can take, without that side effect. I like how much clearer and in depth my writing gets on ads, and depression has been more on than off since last summer.

Last summer, I finally sorted through this box of photos and files that belonged to my mom, given by her husband. Found the divorce file. Tapped into the scenario, that led to my darkest hours.

This weekend seems to have brought me to my *aha* moments, between the visit from my dad and stepmother yesterday and a phone call I received from my dad early this morning, and then a phone call my exh received from him while we were all going to the beach...it was when we stopped to pick up his neighbors son to come with us.

I'm not up to details, right now.

I'm in need of making sure, I have a certified health proxy and living will(not in harm, just reality is....) to ensure that if god forbid things happen, who's in line to care for my children, excluding grandparents. Because, my exs parents are long deceased, and so is my mom. Need a new one.

My ex is going to witness this and I to his. Yeah. I'm angry, hurt and generally well aware at an adult level of the feelings I felt as a youngster.