Today I went to the pool at a friends house, and she had others over to swim. I did not get in the pool, or even wear a bathing suit because I am ashamed of others seeing my scars. When everyone noticed I wasn't swimming, of course all the attention turned on me and why I wasn't swimming. Then one girl yelled out, what happened to your legs!? So loud everyone around pretty much stopped to look at my scars on my legs. My shorts were evidently too short to cover my scars up. I was completely embarrassed with nothing to say except shake my head and walk away.

When I went into the house one of my closer friends was in there and again asked me about what happened to them. I did not know how to tell her so I just said I did it. She replied with confusion, what did you do? fall off your horse? fall down stairs? get trapped in wire?....I stood there and told her I did it to myself on purpose with a knife. She gasped and was freaked. She didn't understand why I would want to hurt myself.

No one can really understand self harm, unless the other person can relate. I am still ashamed, embarrassed and I hate myself for doing this and making scars.