Hello everyone. I have been feeling this very heavy anxiety, because I am not sure what is wrong with me. 14 years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD with an IQ of 140. The reason why is because in the elementary school I was in (it was first grade), I would not pay attention to the class, would disrupt it, bother my classmates, and I would often get out of the classroom by lying to the teacher I would go to the restroom, when in fact I would go to the library and get more information about astronomy, the human body, or geography.
At that time I watched the Disney Hercules movie, and became intensely interested in Greece, and would try to learn anything I could about the gods and goddesses, Greek architecture, and I would try to mix that with my lifelong love for astronomy.
When the school psychologist noticed my behavior, and also a drawing of this character from Mexican history called "El Pipila", who carriee a torch to defend himself from the Spanish. She interpreted it as me being a pyromaniac, and that I was mentally retarded. I don't know how she came with the latter idea, but my parents became really angry and took me to a clinical psychologist and that's where I got the ADHD diagnosis and the real IQ test. The school psychologist did nothing to diagnose me but look at a drawing and interpreted it badly.
They expelled me from that school after learning what the clinical psychologist concluded, and the principal said I needed to be on a more intellectually stimulating school, probably in another town since where I lived at that time lacked one.
They didn't put me in one, and instead I ended up in one that was smaller and had no library. I would still disrupt the class, but managed to graduate all the way, with little effort would get 80's, 90's and even 100's on tests. Sometimes I would get C's in math.
When I started college, I learnt about Asperger's Syndrome, and could relate a lot to it. I sometimes don't understand idioms, but sometimes I do. I also remember I would sometimes bore my peers with my conversations about history, but I never even bothered to look at their expressions to see if they were bored so I am not sure if it's just the ADHD, or if it was really Asperger's. I remember I would make friends only with people who liked what I did, and it was very rare and remained throughout middle school isolated with only one friend who had some things in common with me. In High School I made more friends, and until recently, I finally belong to a modest group of friends with whom I discuss anything intellectual, from Psychology, to whether there is free-will or not (I say there isn't).
But as I looked at my old kindergarden worksheets, I noticed some letters and numbers were inverted, and some really ugly drawings of thunderstorms, tornadoes, and satellites (the latter were fairly good for a young child though).
Another interest I had when young was meteorology. I would watch the weather channel when I was about 4, and try to learn anything I could about natural phenomena in Discovery, like earthquakes. Don't get me wrong, I also would watch cartoons and play with my toys. I wasn't so obsessed with things. But sometimes I would obsess over cartoon characters and imagine them being my friends. I have always done this, or I would also invent my own characters and imagine them as friends.
The reason was my isolation because of my interests which were not shared by my peers, and I would constantly crave hugs, kisses, and care from someone other than my parents. I've read that this is something people with Asperger's do, since they also tend to be isolated, but I am still not so sure.
I have good imagination and have wrote three pieces of poetry lately, and my anxiety exists because I am not sure why I do have a high IQ and suck at math, I am naive, and people always beat me at video games. It seems the only good thing I am good at are academic subjects.
I also got a haircut, a good idea from my dad since I developed trichotillomania out of that anxiety, and I have stopped since. Was the school psychologist right when she said I had mental retardation? Two mental health professionals agreed I have ADHD, and both commented on how curious, witty, and perspicacious I am. I just don't know what I am anymore, and this anxiety is like a leech that sucks my self-esteem slowly. I know it is pernicious to think too much, but I cannot control it.