I understand that your friends would have had an overwhelming need to be alone together in the beginning when they started dating, and I am sure they didn’t mean to hurt you at the time. In the first stage of falling in love, both are high on oxytocin and dopamine and really can’t think straight. That is why they tend to isolate themselves for a period and do irrational things. I really don’t think they were abandoning you or had the intention to make you feel worthless.

Problem was, they should have been outright honest with you. Cancelling plans, going back on their word, and all of that are the worst they could do to you in terms of triggers. The common problem with people in our lives is that they hardly dare being honest with us in fear of making us blow up. If they had been honest with you and said that, no, you are still important, but we need this time alone for a while, which has nothing to do with you personally and that we will return to you, they wouldn’t have found themselves jammed in a position where they couldn’t give up making white lies. As a person with borderline you easily see through white lies and it becomes the focus of abandonment, black and white.

Instead of taking up the conflict and confrontation, they seemed to both have given up and just run away. I think a lot of us here have experienced that reaction from people in our lives. I think when we ‘blow up’, a lot of friends and family don’t know how to deal with it. They don’t know how to reassure you or calm you, and instead they run. Which unfortunately just confirms the fear of abandonment in us. It’s a really tricky situation.

I know how that makes you feel that something awful is wrong with you, but there’s not. The fear of abandonment is your disorder, something separate inside of you and it isn’t your fault. I wish I had a magic cure for all of us so we could see things objectively and zoom out, but I know it’s not so easy. I really hope you find new friends that you can have a healthy relationship with. To keep a distance is often a healthy choice for yourself, so you don’t become too dependent on people you can’t really depend on. All the luck to you.