Luvmydog is right. The fact that you are able to see where it goes wrong and where you and the BD separates means everything. Once you can start to tell which thoughts are yours and which aren't (even if they are always hard to separate) you can start making preventive measures. It already sounds like you are improving and doing your best to keep those thoughts chained down. The worst is the doubt. You feel an inner war between your rationality and your fear. You know he didn't mean it a certain way, but what if.. I find that is why it is so difficult to keep the BD thoughts at bay. But it's possible! And the more trust you put in your loved one, the more love will be returned. That brings a feeling of safety as well. I really hope you'll keep getting better (:. Some days are good, some are bad. It's just the unpredictability that's really tough.