((((Mama)))) trust takes time. It is a vital part of the equation. You are working so hard healing from past abuse. You and H are just beginning to really communicate properly. You have a history of him emotionally and verbally abusing you. Not to mention degrading you and using his strength and height to "block" and scare you.

That said IMHO you are being wayyyy too hard on yourself. He has to realize his behavior and actions in the past vs. now, although so much improved, are just the beginning. You have to be able to trust the man.

He has to earn your trust by his deeds and words. Every single day. Building trust and a safe place for you extends far beyond the bedroom....sweeping things under the rug, temporary fix.

Honey, you honor you. The major trust issues (for a damn good reason) ... time is the best drug there is. And also boosting your self confidence, self esteem and trust in yourself will most certainly be of great benefit to you. You have to think of yourself and go at your own pace.

Please try to be more gentle and kind to yourself. You are worth it