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Jun 24, 2013, 03:33 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
Syra, i just feel that the word "grooming" is a highly disempowering word and loaded with connotations of abuse ( child abuse specifically since i am not aware of the word being used to describe an adult to adult situation) and in my country "grooming" is in fact a criminal offence. But i take on board that perhaps you weren't insinuating what i thought.
I do feel that that word has no pertinence in MLS's situation and only serves to create a hysterical environment that might worry MLS more about her T's intentions.
In regards to the photographs for people who haven't read the other posts by MLS... her therapist didn't throw these pictures in her face, she spoke to MLS about them, they are explicit but also artistic and her T loved them and was excited about them and suggested MLS go look at them. MLS has since had a conversation with her T as to why she suggested she look at them and i think she was content with the explanation.
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Hmmm. I agree and disagree with you. I appreciate you responding and filling in more information.
The problem with "grooming" as I use the word is that it isn't until after a more severe violation that it is recognized for what it is. Therefore, I think pondering strange boundary experiences is worth considering. For me, as I heard MLS tell the story, I thought of grooming behavior, but there is a A LOT I don't know so I never intended to assert it was grooming behavior, just that it MIGHT be. And unlike others, I would not confront someone who I wonder about grooming behavior. I would want to do a reality check with someone else before I brought it up with the person. Partly for reasons I think you allude to - making things go out-of-control without proper basis, and causing harm to everyone.
Your last paragraph provided more information and it didn't sound like these were the kind of pictures I was picturing, and therefore, the idea of grooming lessened in my mind to not so likely. But I still don't know.
I agree about the idea that introducing the possibility of GROOMING into a conversation where there isn't any grooming going on makes things difficult. And it's hard. I wouldn't want to suggest grooming or abuse when it isn't. It's painful and possibibly destructive to the client & T. I also wouldn't want to ignore the possibility when I should consider it.
I believe I was groomed. Non-sexually. Groomed to be dependent on her see her as my "savior." I say that because as I listened to my talk about my situation I realized I was expressing feelings that people who have been sexually abused use, and that boundaries slowly came down in ways I loved and was uncomfortable with but thought they were okay because she said they were okay. I didn't realize it until things went really badly. It isn't for me to give MLS permission or not, but if those who know more about the situation have a sense that it made sense, and was done professionally, I wouldn't argue.
I do think you bring up a good point. Conversations of abuse (and therefore also grooming) can be very difficult and cause harm in and of themselves.
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