SideCrow,

I can understand why it's confusing for you to consider that this man is a danger to you. But, let me ask you this....if you felt that nothing was wrong, you would not have posted about this correct? Evidently, there is something within you screaming at you that this situation was wrong and that you needed some support to give you the strength to make the best decision possible and that would be to stay very very far away from this guy.

He is a well versed manipulator and abuser. He KNOWS exactly what he is doing as compared to you having very little knowledge about what he's doing or at the very least, refusing to let yourself believe the worst about him, and I will bet dollars to donuts, you refuse to listen to your own gut feelings about him as well.

He has done this many times to other women. I guarantee this as he has perfected his manipulation and it worked on you. Please do not kick yourself for this, he knows how to pick the women who will question themselves instead of questioning him.

I am not saying all this to hurt you or your feelings. I am really concerned for YOU and don't want to see you become another statistic. If this was a match made in heaven, there would be no question and no confusion about what happened. This is anything but a match made in heaven hon.

Please do what is best for yourself and keep yourself safe and abuse free from this guy. Think calmly and listen to your inner self/your gut and take measures to insure that this won't happen again. You owe it to yourself and those who love you to take care of yourself. Anyone worth having is worth waiting for! He's just not it hon.

Regarding your RN neighbor, she's wrong. I've had my fair share of strange relationships, dominance play, and BDSM ****. None of it involved having any desire whatsoever to force someone to have sex. And none of it ever should.

Really?

Yes darling, really.

If, by example, during one's early years, one found any pleasure (need not be sexual) or comfort or affection or even escape in being mistreated or maltreated, or if one felt like one deserved to be.There are a dozen reasons why. Some have to do with power, some with powerless-ness, some with perceiving worth or lack thereof, some with wanting to be needed (or wanted). Most often these desires are the result of having experienced sexual congress with an adult in ones early years. As an adult one may go looking for that reckoning, that happening, that velocity, that violence, that whatever. In some cases, even verbal communication is almost wholly unnecessary between two such persons (or for that matter, between "victims and perpetrators") . But that's because these all belong to the same sub-set of the population. Persons who have never experienced such things (victimization and the ultimate output of the same) have no clear notion of what "this" even is...other than reading it in a book and viewing it like a barnacle on a ship (rather than as an inextricable part of someone) is to them...like you reading about someone forced to cut their arm off to survive in the desert or mountains. If one cannot palpably understand something - can only understand it intellectually - it becomes a "totem," an isolated thing, seemingly extricable from the human being to whom it happened. It is very much, therefore, like a child who has had no sexual experience whatever trying to imagine sex. They develop all sorts of ideas about it, further fueled and misguided by other children's musing (from children who ALSO haven't had sex). Sabina Naftulovna Spielrein, a Russian (I think) Jewish woman. Her thing was that she had serious symptoms (neurosis then called "hysteria" or "conversion disorder") behind her father beating her and she enjoying it (sexually). She became one of the first women psychoanalysts. Sabina Spielrein - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Her research was in the destruction of the ego, primarily through what amounted to BDSM. Not radically different, in some respects, from Otto Rank, Oswald Schwartz, and Wilhelm Reich. Her work "Destruction as the Cause of Coming Into Being" is a classic example of destruction of ego to make ego. "In my work with sexual problems one question has especially interested me: why this most powerful drive, the drive of reproduction [Fortpflanzungstrieb], houses within itself, next to the a priori expected positive feelings, negative ones like anxiety and disgust, the latter of which really has to be overcome so that one can get to the positive activity. The negative attitude of the individual toward sexual activity [Sexualbetätigung] is, of course, especially evident in neurotics..." In such a power dynamic, such play....it can be healing when the heavens open and you see the "man behind the curtain" "The person in the mirror" [come to know yourself via such exchange] and you recognize yourself therein. For, it is most assuredly a mirror.

An exchange. Not an act committed against another.

In any event I find this discourse fantastical, and luring