> how can it work if I know the "trick" to it.

Because if therapy was just a matter of thinking the right thoughts and being cured surely we would have figured it out well before now...

Therapy is a process...

Many a time I've sat there thinking 'I know what you are trying to do (I know what that technique is about) and it is NOT going to work' and you know what? It works anyways.

Sometimes it isn't that repeating things to ourself 'I am a good person' is going to help...
It is more that somethings can't really be grasped when they are SAID instead they need to be SHOWN.
If t treats us like we are worthy of respect and like they like us and like we are loveable...
It is much easier to feel good about oneself than if one did affirmations...

I think it is the EXPERIENCES in therapy that are most important.

PS... There is one hell of a lot to object relations therapy. It could help your therapy if you read more about it (if you would like) I personally don't think that information harms the process. Sometimes it helps me to read about theraputic techniques and stuff like that because then I know something of what my t likely INTENDS their effects to be (ie most people respond well to this even though I'm finding it upsetting t is well intentioned because most people respond well) etc.

Melanie Klein springs to mind...

I think OR theory originates from her though modern stuff would probably run a bit differently (like modern Freudians have diverted a bit from Freud).