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Jun 24, 2013, 09:05 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Hi Mona --I think Scorpiosis makes some great points and has some useful suggestions. I've seen you, over a long period of time, have a myriad of complaints regarding your therapist --all of which are perfectly normal. But as you never confront her with any of these complaints, it gives me the impression that you do not believe you have agency (power, rights) in this relationship (and perhaps others). Maybe this was inculcated in you from a young age, but I do believe it can be overcome.
You do have agency and the ability, somewhere in you, to confront your therapist when something makes you uncomfortable, when something has not been helpful, or has been hurtful, or inconsistent, etc. I think until you act on your ability to have some say in this relationship (and perhaps others) you will continue in a kind of perennially helpless state, where others are always doing things to you, instead of it being a relationship of two adults, each with their own decision-making capacity, and rights and ability to speak up when something has gone wrong.
Maybe the first time will be scary, maybe even terrifying, but after that first time it may well get easier until it becomes a part of who you are. But one of these days, you'll have to take that first step, with someone, I think your therapist is a good start; it is a relatively safe place. I am convinced that she not reject or abandon you if you do so. Maybe you're not so convinced, I get that, but --baby steps, one step leads to another. 
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