Perna:

I'm sorry for not responding for a couple of days. I saw this post when you wrote it and intended to respond right away but time get away from me.

It seemed to me that you may be confusing two great skills: "I" statements and empathy responses. Read those skills over again carefully and I think you will see that good listening involves a steady focus on what the other person is saying, feeling, thinking (and frankly avoiding what you are feeling or what your opinion is about whatever the other person is talking about).

"I" statements are designed to tactfully express your opinions and feelings, especially ones that are critical of the other person. It is taking your share of the responsibility for what has happened, instead of saying "you are to blame...at fault...you are self-centered...you are a jerk."

Let me know if that doesn't clear things up a bit. You are describing a situation where you want to understand the other person but get distracted when your own button are pushed. A determined steady stream of empathy responsed will do it.

I'm going to move on down this thread. I regret neglecting it.

drclay