Hi everyone. I am 40, happily married with 2 children one of whom has special needs and for years I have carried the weight of emotional abuse from my mother. I am still in contact with her. Things started going downhill in our relationship when I left home at 21 and then got married at 23.

My marriage has suffered terribly because I have carried this enmeshment with my mother throughout. I went through a year of psychotherapy 6 years ago but it didnt help me. I went to a counsellor and it was kind of healing - contacting the abandoned and unloved child within me.

Now we are in couple therapy, just started. My husband has come to the end of the line but we want to stay together, we love one another. The first session was amazing, we told the therapist about my mother's abuse and she came back with advise and insight immediately. She also told me that I wouldnt probably want to hear that I have played my part in this damaged relationship with my mother but I have the capacity to heal. She has told me not to answer the phone to her, let voicemail pick it up or when I get the urge to ring her write down exactly WHY I want to ring and what would she say.

My mother is manipulative and controlling. I have broken free from her in the past and been a totally changed person and got on with my life and my family. Now I am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and now I am questioning this diagnosis as there is absolutely no one in extended family that has it, only depression, panic attacks, PTSD. I remember when I was young that if I felt excited or happy about something I had to immediately squash that feeling because I felt I wasnt entitled to have it. She put paid to that with her abusive remarks and nasty comments about my body, my face, etc. mustn't be selfish or big headed.

My husband asked this question in counselling.......how does my wife distance herself when she has longed for so long to have the mother she craved? How does she get over this grief? The reply was it will take time.

My family were totally dysfunctional and they still are....sometimes I wish they just didnt exist then I wouldnt have to go through this anguish of trying to be strong and standing up for myself.......its hard enough having my son to cope with on a daily basis.

My mother knows I have bipolar and she thinks its an incorrrect diagnosis. But still she PUTS on me, this is the pattern and the roles of mother/daughter have been reversed for so many years. And to top it all several months back my 12 year old neice was being abused by her own mother and now she lives with my mum and her dad. Its all very unhealthy.........I wanted to scream and go and rescue my neice from everything and it took me a while to admit to myself that I wasnt well enough to help her. She was crying to me saying she hated her father and that she would never live with him if he left and got himself a place of his own, that my mother never gave her space or a moments piece - history repeating itself! She wanted to come and live with us. I nearly reported this to social services but my husband stopped me because it would have meant world war III from the rest of my family and we needed to protect ourselves from that. I have a 12 yr old daughter as well so its close to home for me seeing this child in such despair. I just hope and pray my neice gets out as soon as she is able to.

Anyway enough said for now but thanks so much for reading this........I know a lot of you have been through similar situations with trying to heal, but it scares me right now. I want to feel strong enough to deal with her but then on the other hand I want to cut her out of my/our lives altogether - I am worn out.