Babs, i can totally relate to you, I have no clue what to do or not to do. My mother overtime changed and she is bipolar too, so a lot of the abuse was actually related to her illnes, but i know how much you long for a natural ralantionship.
I know you are trying really hard to be the mom to your kids that you didn't have, and maybe that is our compensation afterwards.
PM me if you need anything, ~hugs~