***POSSIBLE TRIGGER***



I don't know where this fits.
It's not really a self-harm thing and not an addiction thing either.
I assume it may be a mixed episode.

I have in the past abused benzo's and even SSRI's, often mixed with alcohol. I was once hospitalized to get myself back on my feet.
Technically I've been doing ok, and just have the occassional downwards spiral. Today I suddenly started craving benzo's again. That feeling of just not having a care in the world. To get knocked out and just hide.
I also haven't smoked in about 3 months, and suddenly have been craving that too. But I've managed to stop myself. My craving for meds is getting strong. I am already taking painkillers most nights because I seem to have a lot of dull headaches.

I don't want to discuss this with anyone else though. I don't know why this has flared up again.