okiedokie:

You gave some really good examples of boundry problems.

I wouldn't have necessarily started with describing the 5 parts of a problem, although it seemed to be productive. I would have started with the first thing you mentioned: People walk all over me...and then I would have looked at the five parts, e.g. (1) behavior=they walk all over me and I try real hard to do more than they expect me to do. (2) I feel pissed off because they expect too much of me...and I feel guilty because I feel like a failure. (3) It is obvious that I need to learn to be assertive and make sure their expectations are in line with what I am willing and able to do. (4) I want to help others. I know I am reliable and dependable but I have to set limits on what they expect me to do. As much as possible the relationship should involve a fair exchange--give and take. (5) Being a little helper as a child left me with a child-like attitude that I should take care of other people's needs, just as if I was their dutiful child.

Then the task is to learn how to establish these expectations with friends, relatives, supervisors, etc.

Sorry this is rushed but maybe we can get into the details of how to change many aspects of a relationship.

Let's go on with this. Then we can deal with other boundry problems.

drclay